Strategies for a Somewhat Forgetful Dude
Before leaving the apartment, touch 3 separate pockets checking for keys, wallet, and phone. If one is missing, retreat and try again.
After setting any sort of appointment at all, add it to a calendar connected to your phone. Check for any previously planned, overlapping events, and think of a flaky excuse if they are no longer appealing.
Never put anything in an airplane seat pocket ever. Apparently these are all wormholes to the Alpha Centauri system.
Use 24-hour time when setting alarms as AM and PM is a confusing concept — especially for a drunk dude.
If sunglasses are not on a face, they should be hanging on the center of a shirt collar (even though it looks kinda d-baggy). Left anywhere else they will be crushed by the owner’s butt or become sentient and escape.
It is important to identify the type of beverage in a glass before setting it casually on the floor. Unintentional kicks from guests get 2 points for water but only 1 point for a piña colada.
As days progress, the likelihood of a dish in the sink becoming clean approaches 0.
If you are forgetful enough to lose your driver’s license, it is probably a bad idea to sub in your passport.
When a bartender asks if you’d like to open a tab, she is really asking if you’d like to awkwardly drop by tomorrow to pick up your credit card during your lunch hour.
Leaving an important email from a friend or Grandmother for later is another way of deleting it.